Wednesday, June 30, 2010

I Kissed Goodbye

So here comes the end of June.
The blog is having at least one post for every month since the very beginning, but instead of making this as a routine I am actually long to write.

I was a little bit tired, a little bit angry.
Despite being sincere & patient, it can be despairing to deal with lies & denials. All that I wish is the people I love will stop getting hurt. When you are in pain, pain is in me as well.

Would I yell at your face asking you to stay hopeful & be positive? Just kidding, I'll tell you that gently. Because I'm very dejected. Sometimes you might know what's the right thing to hold on to yet you don't know the right way to do it or say it.

God, our creator, is my focus.
This is why I'm still celebrating His grace for each new day. My constant battle in spiritual warfare requires greater faith, it is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me.

So here comes the end of June.
The blog had always served its original purpose, or I would just have to stop writing.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Paradox


A piece of dry land, an unending railway,
a classic old train is slowly moving on top of it.
The sun is overclouded,
yet the sunlight penetrated through & distributed evenly all over.
Yellowish, it is. So warm, somehow windy.
We are all passengers on the train,
we must have been here for a long time, I thought. Or perhaps not.
That was not the focus anyway.

She, was running on the roof above the cabin,
that is why I decided to grab her hand.
We sit at the edge there facing the wind, holding her in my embrace.
Our legs are hanging freely, her faith is swinging alongside.
She looks to the front,
her long hair is waving over her shoulder & brushes my face.
The train is gliding forward in such a low speed,
as if the time can slower its pace for us to reach our destination in time.

We have no words for each other. Our mind is clear.
She knows that when I turned my head & seek for you,
I love only you alone. She knows that when I saw you happy & I smiled,
I love only you alone, forever.
She knows that I am now here for her.
I know I will keep her in arm's reach, just to make sure that she would stay firm.
I know I will not let her wander alone in the very same struggle.

The art of calm & peace is allowed to take place. No more willfulness.
The sun disperses the clouds & shines upon her face. She is grinning.
The burden in her heart is not relieved,
I bet she is rather lightened up by my unexpected intervention.
She playfully slides her feet down my lower shin,
& slowly stuffs into my walking shoes, loosening them at the back of my heels.
She lifts them up with her toes, & lay them down softly on the trackside.
Kind of speechless, but I am amused.

I gently hop down to the ground & pick my shoes up.
As the train is fading away, I begin to follow & run back to where she was.
Step by step, I am not having problem catching up but I am having worries.
You know,
maybe I just do not like to obey the trend like the other passengers do.
Still, I will keep running because you are there with them.

...


两个星期前的一场梦。奇怪。我将所有细节都写了下来,不增也不减。
I had this dream exactly 2 weeks ago. Weird. I got it written down with every single details, nothing more & nothing less.

那是一段缺乏灵感,毫无创意的日子。有点消沉,陷入低迷。然而,上帝就在那晚把如此莫名其妙的想象力恩赐于我。实际上是现实的写照,只是感情与肢体上的表达来得更加大胆。
It was the days of low inspiration & losing touch with creativity. Gloomy. & so, God gave me such an extraordinary imagination for that night. It's actually a reflection of what happened in reality. Only that it's presented more boldly when comes to feelings & body expression.

无奈。其实当中的故事早已收在心底,都以平常心看待。梦境里的放纵,暴露了我积极的信心与盼望。
I can't help it if me being optimistic & faithful with my ultimate hope is exposed in the unrestrained dream. In fact the stories within are already peaceful in mind, & are made tranquil in heart.

这世界充满了似是而非的理念。
The world is full of paradox.

不懈地祷告,恳求上帝引领。
May God lead the way, asked with untiring prayers.

Monday, May 3, 2010

New Theme


- THE STORY GOES ON -

Obsessed with beautiful things. Ain't discriminating imperfection. Instead I'd search much deeper within, to seek for the essence. Wild weeds need not to be a nuisance anymore. Just be genuine & pure.

You're always gorgeous to my aesthetic standards. What's more? The story goes on.


Monday, April 5, 2010

i can.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Testimony on 20th of March


Hi church! My name is Ji Yin and I'm a medical student in UCSI University. I have just completed my 2nd year final examinations & I'm glad to say that I have passed them with many blessings.

To be honest, I was lazy & had difficulty focusing on my studies. I was easily distracted by things like computer games and the Internet. That was why I failed my exam in the previous semester. Therefore, I told myself that by hook or by crook, I had to work very hard to avoid failing again. Yet unfortunately, in the last two weeks prior to the exams, I realized that I had not put in enough effort in my preparation. I was frustrated with myself because it seemed like I was about to stumble once again despite my being aware of my own weaknesses.

However, at that very moment, I found strength & hope in God. God blessed me through the people around me; my family members, pastors, church mates, cell group members & christian course mates. They all prayed for me earnestly; the most prayers I have ever received since I joined GEPC church in August last year. On the night before my final exam, I decided to stay awake for the whole night without sleeping in order to study as much as I can. I remember looking at the time and the clock showing that it was already 9pm.In my mind I had the thought of skipping my dinner but fortunately it wasn't meant to be, for almost immediately,the doorbell to my condominium unit rang. Lo and behold, brother Kah Choon appeared in front of the main door of my unit, bearing with him a piece of cake together with a can of energy drink! Needless to say, the preparation went well that night.

Time and tide waits for no man and in this case, it was no exception. Yes, the first day of the dreaded examinations finally arrived. I prayed to God for what I deserved and hoped for the best? In fact, I kept telling my friend that I was able to completely cover the cardiovascular system, only one out of the eleven body systems that I should already have covered by that time. My friend then told me that she was hoping for questions on the fetal blood circulation since that was a question that both of us aced previously. I agreed with a smile, & slowly made my way into the exam hall. By God's grace, the very first question that greeted us was regarding the fetal blood circulation! Hallelujah!

The second test was to see how skilled we were at performing specific clinical examinations. All students were divided into two groups. Group A took the morning session while group B was tested in the afternoon. I arrived in school early & waited for group A to finish their exams. While waiting, we happened to obtain hints from a junior who was asked to be a mock patient in the exam. Although it was only for 5 stations & it seemed unfair to the first group, it gave me a sense of calmness and boosted my confidence in performing the required examinations.

On the third day we had two papers. After completing the first one, we had a three hour-break and I decided to visit the library to do some final revision. In the library, I chanced upon Wing Jian, the top student in my class, sitting alone in a corner. Now, Wing Jian & I are not very close to begin with. However, being the ever welcoming person that he is, he invited me to do our revision together. I managed to recall & understand some vital facts very well with his guidance. He even flipped through the past papers of our weekly tests & discussed one question after another with me. Once again, during the second paper I felt pleased and grateful because about ten percent of the questions were directly adapted from the past test papers.

Feeling thankful for God's mercy, I have been consistent with my spiritual studies. Every night, I will read at least one chapter of the bible, together with Our Daily Bread as an additional reading material. After that, I will spend some time for prayers and try to comprehend the words of God as an effort to get closer to Him. Personally, I feel that this is the best way to find peace within myself. I believe that when you honour God, God will honour you. If you put God first in everything, everything will be put in the right place for you. One important reminder from my cell group leader, Clarence, is that we can be praying very hard or be very passionate in worship, but if we do not put God's words into action, we are merely living lies and living in vain. I know that by surrendering to God, I will be able to resist any temptations or distractions & can face any challenges in my journey towards pursuing a Godly life.

With that, I thank you all and God bless.

Billion thanks to brother Zhi Yang for enhancing the writing language.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

I will rejoice!



I'm like a lonely wanderer in the wild
although I'm standing right in the midst of people.

I'm like an uneducated stubborn child
inflexible to comprehend the truth.

I'm like a desperate explorer,
fully stretched over the limitations to seek the way.


& then, God spoke to me
during the sermon in church today.

He's answering to the questions in my mind
that I've asked in my previous post written in this morning.


I will rejoice! Even in turbulence.
His words relieve the oppression of my desire to lead a Godly life.


It's even more different now.

You are the one who care for me. You are the one whom I care.
That's why you're the reader of this blog.

Suppose I've gone way beyond the unacceptable,
I'm sorry
because this is just my very beginning of changes.

Again, Lord, abide in me I pray.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

天父 爱的信

我的孩子:
你或许不认识我,我却认识你的一切 (诗 139:1)
你坐下你起来,我都晓得。 (诗139:2)
我也深知你一切所行的。 (诗139:3)
就是你的头发也都被数过了。(太10:30)
你是照着我的形像所造的。 (创1:27)
你生活、动作、存留,都在乎我。你也是我所生的。 (徒17:28)
甚至在你尚未成形以先,我已晓得你, (耶1: 5)
在创立世界之前,我已拣选了你。(弗1:4)
你不是个错误,(诗139:15)
你所有的年日都写在我的册上。(诗139:16)
我定准你的年岁和所住的疆界,(徒17:26)
你的受造,是极其奇妙可畏!(诗139:14)
我在你母腹中造你, (诗139:13)
领你由母腹中来。(诗71:6)
我被不认识我的人误传,(约8:41-44)
我并非冷漠而愤怒的,乃是完全的爱。(约壹4:16)
我愿在你身上张显我的爱。(约壹3:1)
只因为你是我的孩子,我是你的父亲。(约壹3:1)
我能给予你的,远超过你在地上的父亲所能给予你的。(太 7:11)
因为我是完全的父。(太5:48)
你所领受各样美善的恩赐,都是从我来的,(雅 1:17)
因为我是你的供应者,我必供应你需要的一切。 (太 6:31-33)
我向你所怀的意念是要叫你末后有指望,(耶29:11)
因为我以永远的爱爱你。(耶31:3)
我向你的意念其数比海沙更多,(诗139:17-18)
我因你欢欣喜乐,(番 3:17)
我决不停止施恩于你。(耶32:40)
因你是我珍贵的产业。(出19:5)
我全心全意栽培你於此地, (耶32:41)
我要将伟大奥秘的事指示你,(耶 33:3)
如果你一心一意寻找我,就必寻见。(申4:29)
以我为乐,我就把你心里所求的赐给你,(诗37:4)
因为是我在你心里动工,使你心里能立志行事。(腓 2:13)
我能为你成就一切,远超过你所求所想的。(弗 3:20)
我是你最佳的鼓励者,(帖後2:16-17)
也是在一切患难中安慰你的父亲。(林後1:3-4)
你伤心的时候,我靠近你,(诗34:18)
如同牧人怀抱羊羔,我怀抱你在我胸前,(赛 40:11)
有一天,我要擦去你一切的眼泪, (启 21:4)
并带走你在世上的一切苦楚。(启 21:4)
我是你的父,我爱你如同我爱我的儿子 - 耶稣一样,(约17:23)
因为在耶稣里,就显明我对你的爱,(约 17:26)
祂是神本体的真像,(来 1:3)
祂来是表明我要帮助你,不是敌对你,(罗 8:31)
并告诉你:我不追究你的过犯。(林後5:18-19)
耶稣受死,使你可与我和好,(林後5:18-19)
祂的死,是我爱你最极致的表达. (约壹4:10)
我为你舍弃了我所爱的一切,使我或许能得着你的爱。(罗8:31-32)
你若接受了这份礼物 - 我的儿子耶稣,你就接受了我。(约壹2:23)
无论任何事都不能叫我的爱与你隔绝。(罗8:38-39)
回家吧!让我为你预备一个天上所见过最大的宴席,(路15:7)
我一直是父亲,也永远是父亲,(弗 3:14-15)
问题是…,你愿意成为我的孩子吗?(约1:12-13)
我在等着你。(路15:11-32)

爱你的爸爸

全能的神

adapted from http://renshishen.jesus.net/?/1/the-fathers-love-letter.html

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

What has been going on?








Pictures are from the photo album A Moment Of Focus on 10th March 2010.

Monday, March 1, 2010

I've never stop loving


J E S _ S

now all I need is U.

Yes, using metaphor, I mean the Lord & my friend.


but I hit on the wall.
I'll rampage through it.


but I exposed the darkness, rampant in me.
Tangled up, I couldn't move.


Losing grip in one hand.
Not nervous system disorder. Spiritually I fell sick.


I've never stop loving.
Lord, abide in me I pray.


Don't mind to understand what I said.
If you don't mind to understand me.
It's different now.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Friday, February 5, 2010

We need nothing else in between us


You don't need to entertain me, for a look at you I've already found joy; I don't have to entertain you either because I wish that you'll be pleased just for being with me.

If we put God first in our mind, we need nothing else in between us. No matter how you call it, friendship or companionship or fellowship in Christ ... dear Jessica, I want to have the best relationship with you.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Beautifully done




Jessica you wrote this beautifully. I hope you don't mind that I made this as my desktop wallpaper.


Picture is from the photo album Walk With Me Today on 31st January 2010.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

上帝引导



我的梦想或许幻灭,
希望或许流逝消亡;
我仍信靠上帝引导,
因祂知道我属何方。— Overton

人心筹算自己的道路,惟耶和华指引他的脚步。— 箴言16章9节

My cherished plans may go astray,
My hopes may fade away;
But still I’ll trust my Lord to lead,
For He doth know the way. — Overton

A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. — Proverbs 16:9



灵命日粮 Our Daily Bread

Saturday, January 16, 2010

New Theme


- LIGHT'S OFF FOR A LULL -

It was a strong force coming straight into my face. In order to avoid any further damage, I have no choice but to direct it into a state of silence & darkness.

I sank into this deadlock on that very day, when I have to endure to be quiet to my angel.



Thursday, January 14, 2010

When thoughts turn into words




* Tick! * Light's on.
I'll need it for a moment ...

This is a major disability. Being incapable of converting thoughts into words, delivered by either speech or writing. A sophisticated mind can't go along with the simple phrases; The standard of expression is disproportional to the level of message. That judges me as a shallow thinker. It's true, I'm yet to be considered as wise & mature. I can bravely stand up in front of you, but fearfully communicate with meaning. I wish you can understand me, only that the time is so limited.

Alright, switch it off now ...



I'll bless you with love.


Light Bulb by ~zzentry

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


you may not be her first, her last, or her
only. she loved before she may love again. but if she loves you now, what else matters? shes not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together again but if she makes you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. she may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart, so don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad and miss her when shes not there.

Bob Marley


Snatched from Gabriel's blog. On second thought, this is really nothing relevant to me. XD